I Don't Bathe.

Nope. I shower. At 100 mph. I didn't realize how much I missed taking a bath until Monday night. I decided to sit in a nice hot bath to soften my feet (so the needle wouldn't bounce off for the infamous "injection").



I ran my bath, climbed in and grabbed my July edition of Better Homes and Gardens that I am STILL trying to finish. In walks the queen with an alarming tone she asks, "You're taking a bath?".



I didn't realize that it would be such an ordeal for them. In comes Beaudreaux. "Mom why are you taking a bath?" So I explain that mommy wants to have soft tootsies. He laughs and leaves.



2 seconds later. Beaudreaux re-enters. "Do you want some music?". I reply, "No, but thank you for asking". He leaves.



.59 hundredths of a second later, he turns on his radio so I can have music. Ok. That is nice. He returns. "I turned on the radio so you can have music". Gives a kiss, then leaves.



1 minute later. The queen starts meowing outside the door. "E, Knock it off". Queen replies, "It's not me. It's the cat".



"Knock it off E. I know it's you and it's getting on my nerves. Cut it out". "Ok" she replies.



30 seconds later, Beaudreaux comes in. I have to go potty. "Go to the other bathroom" I tell him. "But I have to go poop".



"GO TO THE OTHER BATHROOM!". Too late. He's already sitting on the throne.



UGH... Nice bath. Tangerine Mango bubbles mixed with essence of poop.



"OK I'm done! Come wipe my butt".

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You haven't needed me to wipe your butt in 6 months!"



B finishes, and heads off. NOW I can relax. CLICK! Radio goes off. "TIMES UP! GET OUT!" Suddenly Beaudreaux the future Hall Manager decides that MY BATH TIME is over!



Slowly.............................I slide down into the tub. My feet are up on the wall, but my head is submerged. Only the circumference of my face is sticking out so I don't drown.



All I could hear is silence........ and my own breathing. It was the best few minutes I've had in WEEKS. I uncrossed my meridians with the hopes that maybe I could realign my chakras. :o)



I suddenly realized that I am totally missing the boat. I have another date with my bathtub next week. It's going to become my Monday night ritual. For me.... and me only, because I'M LOCKING THE DOOR.