I was here...

First off, I would like to apologize for being here but not "being here" this week. The icing on the cake for me was when I found out that Gregory was the only one at school today without money for the book fair. It has been a horrendous and long week. I was here, but I wasn't "here".

For starters... I found Elke. I called her parents and her Dad gave me her number. I called it several times, only to have her husband call me and tell me she does not want to talk to me and that I should stop calling. I fell apart on the phone and told him that I have no idea why and asked if he knew why. Please just tell me why. I will leave her alone. I found that video last weekend and desperately wanted her to have a copy. It was such a funny video. He said I should send the video to her and that her seeing it, may change something and she may call me. After the lengths I went through to find her, for her to say, "Stop calling, I don't want to talk to you", I have decided not to send her the video.

Apparently her friendship meant more to me than mine ever did to her. I was heart broken. Not only that, I found out that her Mom died 4 1/2 years ago. Had I known that, I would have been there to pay my respects, whether Elke liked it or not. I have been very emotional about this, this past week. He told me to send the video to her Dad. Instead, I sent a letter. I told her that I have absolutely no idea what I did to her to make her do this, and that someone would have to go through some pretty drastic measures for me to do it to them. She no longer deserves a copy of the video, so I'm going to save it for myself. I'm just not going to watch it for a long time!

Chris's Mom died on Sunday. Chris is Greg's Godfather, and one of our most dearest friends. This was also a hard blow to take. Jackie had cancer. She fought this cancer harder than think I have ever seen anyone fight. When things looked bleak, she wasn't lying in a hospital bed. Hell no. That woman was taking her entire family to Disney World. When things looked grim, she was in Downtown Detroit, doing the cancer walk. I never dreamed it would end this way for her. I also learned a lot about Deanna through this whole process. Sometimes Deanna and her Mother-in-law didn't always agree. I was there saying, "Deanna, throw in the towel, this woman keeps hurting you, and it's hard to watch it. How much more can you take?".

Deanna didn't throw in the towel. In fact, she used it to help wash Jackie off when Jackie couldn't shower by herself any longer. She sat by her bedside day after day, planning the funeral that Jackie wanted to have. They became close friends. She basically orchestrated the entire thing, because Jackie confided in Deanna and told her what she wanted. Come hell or high water, Deanna made sure it got done, and let me tell you... it did. Today as Deanna read her Eulogy, I sat there with tears streaming down my face, and realized how lucky I am to have such a fantastic friend on my side. Sometimes I feel she has too many irons in the fire, as we all do, I realize that she is everything to everyone, and most importantly, she is a wonderful wife to Chris, and an amazing mother to her beautiful children. I am so lucky to have her on my side.

It was a very eye opening experience today. I suddenly appreciated my friends and family more than ever before. I love each and every one of them for very specific reasons. I can't remember the last time I cried at a funeral this much. Honestly, I spent the entire week just depressed as hell. One thing I did realize though... I have been so worried about Elke contacting me, when I suddenly realized... Why would I want someone like that in my life? Why would I go looking for something when it is right in front of my face? I have friends that I wouldn't trade for ANYTHING. She has proven to me, that she has qualities that I just am not looking for in a friend. It was a very enlightening experience.

As my final send off to Elke, I wrote her a letter. I did ask her to please tell me what happened, but mostly, I assured her that this letter is my very last attempt to contact her again. Although I sincerely want to know what she thinks happened that made her end our friendship, I have closed the door on this portion of my life. It is on a shelf and I'm not going to let it consume any more of me. I have absolutely NO space for rent in my head. Elke, your time is up.

I'm feeling a bit dehydrated today. As the song goes... I'm all cried out. It is nice and warm in the house. Dennis is finally home after working 72 hours straight. The kids are glad that no one is here today. It's a great night to be at home and to be part of a family.

Tomorrow, we will be watching Michigan KILL Ohio State. They are going to do it in honor of Bo, and we will be watching with heavy hearts.