Late last week, I had a breakdown. The minutes during which I cried my heart out were preceded by weeks of feeling so terrible, I could vomit. I am so ashamed of myself. This is where you just read and do not reply with your pity on me.
I have let myself become more than 50 pounds overweight. I... let this happen. I have been so busy putting irons into the fire, rather than taking care of myself. I used this as a smoke screen so that I could just... be. I am so ashamed of myself.
I have had enough. I am sick and tired... of feeling sick and tired. I am sick and tired of how my clothes feel like sausage wrap. I am sick and tired of wearing the SAME WARDROBE day in and day out, because I am not putting more money into dressing THIS frame. I am sick and tired.
AND I AM DONE.
I guess you need to hit rock bottom and become so pissed at yourself that you end up where I am now. I AM DONE.
Starting immediately, I am working out 3-4 times per week. I am eating healthier, smaller, more frequent meals. I am done.
I am done being the "yes" girl that volunteers to do everything for everyone else. I am done.
I am done being everything to everyone else, while letting my health slide. I am done.
I am done being everyone's fat friend. I am done. Shut it and let me vent.
I am done being out of breath after doing simple housework. I AM DONE.
I am on a mission. A mission to get rid of this 50 extra pounds of shit that I have been carrying around. I AM DONE.
I have a goal. I want to walk. I want to work towards a goal of walking in a 5K marathon and I need a friend to do it with me. THIS... is just the beginning of the rest of my life.
This month, I will turn 38. I vow to shed this 50 pounds before my 39th birthday.
Have you thought about joining Weight Watchers or something like that? I think it is helpful to have some sort of support group.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I find it hard to believe you are 50lbs overweight.
I joined weight watchers about 1 year ago. My weight gain is caused by not moving or exercising. While my diet can be tweaked, I did not find WW helpful.
ReplyDeleteI have worked out yesterday and today on the Wii Fit (it does wear me out) and have been making better food choices. :)
Thank you for not looking at my broken garden gate. Good friends only notice the beautiful garden within. As for me... I am fixing that damn gate.
If you're interested in running/jogging a 5K I could be in with ya! I used this program a few years ago http://www.c25k.com/ which has a nice training plan which starts off iwth walking.
ReplyDeleteTrust me that when I say jog I use the term loosely, Kraig can walk as fast as I run. My dog is never winded but it makes me feel great. OH! and I also need to loose some LBs.so this is good motivation for me as well.
Love your own garden gate as well. It's lovable as are you. :)
Book it Dan-O! I would love to work up to a run. A friend of mine was telling me how she had over 50 lbs to lose so her friend (a runner) trained her to run. She lost more than the 50 lbs, and is training for the Boston Marathon now.
ReplyDeleteI'll check it out and will get back to you via email. :)
Val I applaud you and am proud of you for taking a stand! Kick some ass girlfriend! I am thinking about signing up for the 3-day Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Walk....I have to raise $2,300, scary but I have wanted to do it for YEARS!
ReplyDeleteHi girl,
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you! I'm on the Val-Wagon and vow to drop 50 by my birthday in December. I also signed up for the Afac Irongirl Sprint Triathalon in August, so I better drop some lbs!!
I know how you feel, but I hope you know that you are beautiful person - inside and out :-)