Conflicted

I don't know what we are supposed to do or how we are supposed to feel. Emily worked her tail off training with another coach last summer, to make the softball team she is currently on. When she was asked to join the team, we knew full well it would be a huge commitment on not only her part, but ours too. She trained all fall/winter/spring with them and now we are in the middle of the playing season.

The Problem

The manager of the team has been very fair in playing all of the players, until recently. In the past three weekends, Emily has sat on the bench more than any other player. She had a period where she wasn't hitting well but thanks to a lot of time on her part and ours, we have been practicing like crazy and she is hitting again. But he still won't play her the way that he is playing other players. We don't understand it.

Two weeks ago, we were in Canton for a tourney and left the ballpark at 9:45pm. We had to be back at that same park at 7:15am and it was over an hours drive from our house. We drove at breakneck speed to get there and she sat. The only opportunity she had to play was when they put her on a base for the international tie breaker against a team that she absolutely hates. The next game she got 1 at bat and was able to field for 1 inning. While this may sound like blah, blah, blah to you, it should raise red flags and alarm others that know how this game works.

Last weekend, we had to drive to Columbus, OH. She had 3 at bats the whole weekend long which was about 4 games. Then on Saturday, Dennis received a phone call for overtime at work on Sunday. He had to turn it down because Emily had to be there to play. We stayed all day on Saturday and when it came to game time, she sat. She never set foot on the field at all. The team lost, and the tourney was over. Had we known she was not going to play, we could have left and he could have worked.

This weekend... I took 12 hour off of work (unpaid) on Thursday as she had to be there by 12:30 on Thursday. Again, she was played minimally. On Friday, she didn't play at all. Never set foot on the field. Then on Saturday, she played the whole first game (they had to know I was furious at this point), then sat the whole second game aside from being put in as a pinch hitter. She was so stressed out by this point that she cried after she got off the field.

Emily thinks she sucks. She thinks they are not playing her because she sucks. Then when they do give her the opportunity to go out there, she is so stressed out about not making ANY mistakes that she can't play to her optimum. She thinks that every time she gets out there, they are pending her next play on how she plays at that moment. Make sense?

Yesterday (Saturday), they played her that one game then we sat there... in Eaton Rapids, waiting THREE hours for the next game, only to watch her sit. We missed a graduation party we wanted to go to, we had over an hours drive home, and yet we sat there. She got 1 at bat, hit a pop-up that was caught, and came off the field devistated. WTH.

After every game, the coach has a meeting with the players. I was so angry at this point I told her to pack her stuff, we were leaving. She packed her bag and we left. No meeting. We went straight to the car and left. We made it home in record timing, but still made the sacrifice to miss something that was very important to us.

We want to end her commitment to this team. She made them a priority and they have made her even less than an option. It is one thing for them to do this to her, but now the manager is doing this to her parents. I feel that we have become pawns, or doormats rather. In 2 weeks of softball, we have paid out over $700 in hotels and lost work time, to watch her sit.

My kid is not a quitter, but I feel that the manager has quit on her. If he is going to continue on this path (keep in mind the team is going to Maumee, OH and Hamilton County, IN for 11 days), we would rather cut our losses now and move on.

What would you do?

Just a Test

I just downloaded a new blog app from WindowsLive and wanted to test it out. That’s all that this is. :)

I'm not ready.

I have so much going on in my head right now that I decided to start blogging about it. I'm a mental mess.

Thursday my dear daughter will graduate from 6th grade. She will be leaving Elementary School and moving on to Jr. High. She is elated. I am a wreck. That dear sweet little child who LOVED to watch Clifford on PBS is no longer little. The little girl who would ask, "Push me swing?", hardly ever swings any more. Instead of playing with her American Girl dolls, she would rather chat up her friends on facebook. Just the other day she said that she still likes to play on one of the little kid websites. I told her to keep playing on it. It will be our secret.

Our tradition on the mornings they ride bikes to school, I stand on the end of the driveway and watch them all the way down, until they turn the corner. She ALWAYS looks back to see me one last time. Tomorrow, she will make that journey one last time. While I plan to record the moment, I will probably be crying too hard to see through the lens.

I knew that this day would come. I tried to keep it all in perspective because it's not like she is leaving the nest. Still, I can barely handle it. That sweet little girl is becoming a young woman... and I'm not ready.