Twenty One years and still...

I sat in her room by the window. The sunlight was coming in - warming the cream colored bedspread as she lay there sleeping. It was so peaceful that afternoon. I sat for an hour or more, thumbing through the pages of People Magazine featuring Lucille Ball. After a while, my grandma woke up. "How long have you been here?" she asked. "Not long" I replied. "You can go back to sleep Grandma. You don't need to stay awake just because I'm here."

My Grandma was in Royal Oak Beaumont for an illness that I can't quite remember. I can't recall much more of that afternoon, however the peace that came over me is forever etched in my mind.

I had planned on going to see her again that Friday, but instead chose to take my nephew Christopher shopping for new shoes. He was all of two or three at the time. We spent that afternoon together then returned home. CJ (Christophers brother) was less than a month old. I stood in the living room holding him when Jan gave me the devistating news. My Grandma had passed - unexpectedly. I wanted to drop to the floor. I wanted to run. I wanted to punch something. Jan held me tight while I lost all control. This woman was loved and adored. This... was a tremendous loss.

I think of Grandma Gladys every time I watch the Golden Girls. She loved that show so much and everytime I watch it, I feel like I am being punched in the gut. I watch it and remember the glass door knobs in her house. The sunlight coming in her back room. Biscuits & Gravy. The smell of Prell Shampoo. Walking to the Dairy-O with my cousin to bring her back dessert. And every time another Golden Girl passes away, it reminds me of how long ago Grandma died. And every time, I miss her even more. It has been 21 Years... and I still remember her voice.